How to listen so your child will talk

Parents often ask what they can say to get their child to talk. The secret isn't about what you say: it's about how you listen. The most important skill in talking with anyone is not lecturing, offering solutions, answering, or teaching. What children need from you is your full attention and empathy: that is what deep listening is.

How can parents help?

Even children who do not say much want to connect with you, so try to accept it on their terms. Connection does not always look like a deep meaningful conversation: it can be a hug, a high five, a long look in each other’s eyes. Children may also feel more comfortable talking while walking down the street or washing the dishes. It is OK for them not to hold eye contact as this may be their way of staying regulated while talking about something that feels difficult for them. When your child expresses his feelings about something, he needs you to listen and acknowledge, rather than jumping in with solutions. This means you may have to manage your own anxiety about the issue, which will allow him to find his own solutions to problems. Most importantly, pay full attention: put your phone down and be present. It will be a gift to both of you.

Sometimes we could all do with someone to talk to.  If you would like to meet Penny for a confidential and non-judgemental chat about you, your child, or any other worries, she is available on Mondays and Wednesdays at 9-10am. You can call/text Penny on 07901-000606 or email her at penny@schoolscounsellingpartnership.co.uk